When the Girl With Her Heart in Box Falls for Someone

When you try to keep your life as spontaneous as possible and don’t want anything to hold you back, serious relationships are a challenge. Well, really they are not a challenge because they are not an actual thing in your life. You are used to doing whatever the hell you want, whenever you want to, with whomever you please. Thursday through Sunday nights are all about the bar scene, meeting new people, dancing, laughing, drinking, and leaving what happens next to fate. Maybe you’ll meet an attractive stranger who can’t keep his eyes off of you and you end up skinny dipping in the freezing cold ocean. Maybe you decide to get a tattoo on your ass (because why the hell not, it’s Friday the 13th!) and meet a smokin’ hot tattoo apprentice and invite him to a pub. Maybe it’s a night you are all out with the girls and you bet a stranger twenty bucks you can stay on the mechanical bull longer than he did. Whatever it is, you are up for anything and love having the freedom to do whatever your heart desires. You have learned not to get attached and to stay in the moment. You have learned to be okay with impermanence and thrive upon it. This also means you keep your heart protected from break. You don’t invest in relationships because you don’t want anything to last. You don’t want something to hold you back.

Then something strange happens. One night you are casually having drinks with friends, tacos and beers. Tonight, you are just having tacos because you are driving and you find yourself talking with a guy friend someone brought along. You two are talking about your terrible taste in guys and laughing when an overly drunk guy throws himself at you. You tell him you like guys with tattoos and dark hair who have a douchebag look going for them. Your friends get tired so it’s time to go and you cut your conversation with the guy short and say bye to everyone. You didn’t notice at the time but you only talked to him the whole night. Your friends ask in the car if you are into him and you say “no” without thinking any more about it. He is just some guy and you had a nice conversation, you probably won’t even see him again any time soon.

… you do see him soon. Later that week. He and his friends show up a little early to a house party you are throwing. You talk for a bit but you are hosting so tons of people are wanting to talk with you. You make him hold your drink for a second that turns into a couple of hours and he becomes your drink bitch. Someone asks you if there are more cups, so you grab his hand and tell him to come with you. When you get the cups, you pull him behind a wall and kiss him, just because you felt like it. Maybe it was a “thank you” for helping to get the cups. After that you are running around and talking with your friends and guests. You catch yourself talking to a classmate more than everyone else. Your drink bitch gets noticeably jealous and appears randomly as if checking up on you. You confront him, just so you can get things straight from the start. “You are acting like a jealous boyfriend.” He doesn’t get offended but looks at you in disbelief, either because he didn’t think you would notice or he didn’t think you would say something. In good humor once again, he backs down a little and lets you do your thing. He and his friends don’t stay much longer after that and you walk him to his taxi. The two of you sort of giggle about the evolution of your friendship and you say your goodbyes. You get a text a bit later saying to have fun with the other guy. All you can do is roll your eyes, but subconsciously, you are flattered.

You find yourself talking throughout every day and every night for almost a week with this jealous boyf character. You actually have stimulating and intriguing conversations. He is sick and you have this weird urge to go take care of him, bring him OJ, and kiss him on the forehead. This is not your thing. You are wild, crazy nothing stops you from being selfish and doing whatever you please. Yet, you find yourself at the supermarket picking out random things for him because you don’t even know anything he likes. You literally yell inside the safety of your own car “what the HELL am I doing?!” on the drive to his house. Then you are cuddled next to him watching an animated movie under a blanket.

You text your best friend that you are crazy and 1. are in like with someone, which is crazay.. and 2. are in like with someone she warned you against.

All signs point to no for even getting into anything with this guy. First, you do not date. That would absolutely ruin all freedom and independence and spontaneity. Second, your best friend already hates him. Third, you are leaving for a three month long trip in less than two months and you cannot be in relationship during that. Fourth, he is already jealous and not even your boyfriend. Hello, redflag. He is also joining the Navy and leaves for training right when you are back from your trip – timing is not at all right for you two. Plus, you don’t do relationships. Which means you definitely don’t do long distance ones. You can not leave your freedom at such a young and fun age for someone you are going to be missing more than seeing.

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